Excessively Polite People

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Excessively Polite People

Post by C.o.G on Tue Aug 09, 2016 1:16 am

Well, what do you know? Excessively polite people are more prone to betraying others!

Read this: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/polite-people-more-likely-to-betray_us_55e06f5ae4b0b7a96338a186

Haha. Forgive me... perhaps at this point in time, I'm just a little too weary about the Christian community, but as far as I have observed in the church at least, ours is one of the most hypocritical. When I'm more rational, I tell myself that they can't be blamed; they just don't know how to resolve conflicts or how to mentor others. But then, that's me being nice & polite. On days when I am frustrated because I see people behaving dishonestly (my word, may not always be true), I don't blame the world for hating Christians - for the wrong reasons!

We are an extremely polite group of people because our current culture tells us this is the way to go. We need to be polite, politically correct in everything we say or do. So if someone makes a mistake, we lie - we tell them that it's ok; but then we take the opportunity away from them instead of teaching them, guiding them. But if you want productivity, efficiency, you just replace them with someone who can. It's just faster that way.

Or you tell them it's ok, & then you talk about them to coworkers or other people, criticising them, evaluating them - all behind the person's backs! At least give that person a chance to work on it, no? Whatever happened to helping a person succeed?


You know, as far as sales companies go, even though their sense of care for their staffs are mostly mercenary, but you know what, they are the ones who actually came up with the most sensible mentoring programs that follows through & shows that a person cares. In most cases, perhaps it's really a business transaction, but I've been on the receiving end of some genuine mentoring relationships that I will carry with me forever.

I digress.

Gone are the days where frankness & honesty are valued - we need to think about how to package our words, to the point where no one knows what is being said anymore. One needs to read between the lines so much, that it gives the decipherer a terrible migraine. I don't even know how to talk anymore.

Don't get me wrong; I'm not for bashing someone on the pretext of being honest - I've learnt that that's not the same as speaking the truth in love & I've come a long, hard way moderating myself. But when is it too much? When does it cross the line?

Do post your thoughts. It's been awfully quiet... Rolling Eyes
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Re: Excessively Polite People

Post by Noelle on Wed Aug 17, 2016 10:43 am

Possibly the fundamental problem in many Christian communities is that we don't know how to handle love and truth. We are either trying too hard to be loving, to the detriment of honesty, or we prize truth too much and become legalistic and harsh. As many authors have pointed out, love without truth is hypocrisy/sentimental/cowardly, truth without love is brutality/harshness/self righteousness. So while we are inclined to one over the other, we will often struggle with 'the other camp'. I belong more to the truth camp so I find ppl being sentimental and politically correct very irritating. But I am also aware that many times I can be quite harsh with the truth I want to send, so it's a constant reflection so that I can deliver truth with love and love without being indulgent. I certainly don't profess to have the answer...

That said, being polite is a good virtue and is not always the same as being politically correct. I have given feedback to two friends before about them being overly polite. That was because I felt the politeness was overdoing it and it was in fact creating barriers to our friendship. Just be normal, you know. But i also had to reflect whether I'm the cause of the over politeness... Sometimes ppl are scared of offending or they perceive the person as being sensitive/ perfectionistic etc, so that may cause them to behave in an overly politically correct manner when interacting with that person. Not sure if I'm making sense here. Writing this in the middle of a boring training haha.

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Re: Excessively Polite People

Post by C.o.G on Tue Aug 23, 2016 5:18 pm

See, this forum has its benefits! I'm glad it was able to keep you occupied during a boring training!! Hahaha.

Yes, there is no doubt that being polite is good & still necessary where applicable. But excessive politeness becomes a culture & those who wants to be real becomes ostracised. Even if you self-reflect, it might not have anything to do with yourself but the culture itself dictates that everyone speaks like that - an invisible barrier is formed & everyone is wondering whether if they could be real.
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